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Crappy Driver
“You’re a horrible driver,” my wife tells me as she merges onto westbound Interstate 8 from the 805—the last leg of our return trip from Lake Arrowhead. This is hilarious for two reasons. First, I’m...
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Different But Equal Chivalry is for horses, not for people
Last night, my wife and I were returning from a romantic night of wine and dining. It was quiet on the ride back to Ocean Beach, but we each knew what the other was thinking: As soon as we get home,...
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A Line in the Sand
The first thing I thought—when I heard about the backlash surrounding the Jerry Brown campaign staffer who called his opponent, Meg Whitman, a “whore”—was: What’s this now?! “Whore” is an offensive...
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I Am a Quitter
“‘It’s very hard living with a man who is learning to play the violin,’ she said, handing the detective the empty revolver.” -Richard Brautigan My friend Larry is a formidable Scrabble opponent. We’re...
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The Fly
This was supposed to be a different column. It was supposed to be a column about Juan Williams’ being fired by NPR for saying that he is afraid to fly with traditionally dressed Muslims. It was going...
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Scan or Die
As the date for my yearly holiday flight to New York approaches, I’ve been wondering: By which method will I choose to have my privates persecuted? Will I elect to be fondled by a highly...
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The Making of Operation Santa 2010
Operation Santa 2010: My wife, Willow, and I have been spending the holidays in New York where most of my family lives. Around the second day of the visit, my little nephew, James, (who is my sister...
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A Christmas Recital
One of the advantages being a childless uncle is that you get to enjoy, in significantly smaller doses, of course, some of the experiences of parenting. Most are fabtacular, such as watching the kids...
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Unreasonable Minds
Image by Karyl Miller (http://www.millerreport.com/) “The 20-year legal fight over the cross on Mount Soledad took another turn Tuesday when a federal appeals court ruled the towering landmark [is]...
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True Colors
I received an e-mail recently from my friend Andrew, the bar manager of the Viejas DreamCatcher, who told me about a little incident at Cabo Cantina in Pacific Beach. He said he wasn’t allowed inside...
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Locals Only Pt. 2The Difference between Your Mother and Yo-Mama
Some of you may remember a recent Sordid Tale about an encounter that occurred outside my favorite neighborhood slaughtering hole, The Tilted Stick, during which a guy named Scotty and several of his...
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New Music Nights (Pledge Drive Begins!)
Hey all! I’m happy to announce that Danielle, Alicia and I have selected the three bands for House of Blues New Music Nights and that the pledge drive for these bands has officially opened. For...
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Miracle Snobs (She was watching the tortillas)
Giant poster of Pope Paul II at Vatican As many of you know, I was in Italy with family recently, and happened to be at the Vatican while they were gearing up for the heavily anticipated beatification...
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House of Blues New Music Nights Update
Hey all, good news regarding the House of Blues New Music Nights competition. As many of you know, House of Blues is running a three-city music showcase competition (If this is the first you are...
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Goodbye Fruit Flies
Drawing by Jesse Egan I’ve been serving booze in this town since 1985. That’s 26 years behind the plank. Truth is, I could have quit a long time ago, having parlayed other skills into a decent...
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Fornication Designation(Ranking our modern-day political sex scandals)
“They defended [Bill Clinton] for his indiscretions in office but want Anthony Weiner run out of town….” —Michael Medved “What Weiner did was worse than what Larry Craig did. So, why shouldn’t he have...
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House of Blues New Music Nights showcase cometh
For those who have been following the House of Blues New Music Nights competition (powered by Sonicbids), the results are in: L.A.’s Brian Buckley Band took the most pledges. Congrats to them. All...
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Star Spangled Poem
I love the Fourth of July. I am totally down with celebrating our country’s independence from British imperialism. The only thing I can’t stand about this particular holiday is the excessive playing...
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Reading at Ducky Waddles
Well, it’s that time again – time for another vicious bloodletting known as a spoken word performance. Whose blood will be spilled is to be determined – could be yours, could be mine. Regardless, it...
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Lightning Dolts
Imagine my delight when I read this headline on the Orlando Sentinel website: “Lightning strike at Caylee memorial ‘could be a sign from the angels.’” Apparently, a few hours after Judge Belvin Perry...
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